Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize