We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
