she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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