She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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