I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
