I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
