I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
