...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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