I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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