Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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