i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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