You made me cry and you don't even care
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
