so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
