His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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