we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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