NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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