i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
