PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
