his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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