I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
