i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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