I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize