3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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