I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
