last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
