P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
