Jerry, you need to find god
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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