Sry I called you an 8
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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