Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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