i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
