I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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