dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
