Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
