32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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