my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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