remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
