I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
