No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
