it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
