OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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