I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He did a backflip because drugs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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