I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
