Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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