people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
