i jhust puked up my retainher.
You smell like stripper and shame
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
