i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize