May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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