i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize