Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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