i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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