I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
