We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize