She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
