so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
