Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
