i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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