I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
