Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
