He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
