I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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