Me. At least after what I've been through.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
