so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
