We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
