She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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