so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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