she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize