I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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