No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
