I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
