Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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