OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
