how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
