I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
