Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize