I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
