Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Found the puke drawer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
