So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
