and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
