THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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