Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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