i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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