I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize