Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
