I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
