apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
