I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
