Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
