Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
