she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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