I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
