Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
now i know why i became what i already was.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
