Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
