we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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