he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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